'Fessin' up

A bit earlier today, Rae asked on Twitter: "It is December. Are you happy with how your New Year's resolutions have worked out?" My first reaction was to respond in jest, and to hide my discomfort behind an indirect complaint about "senior moments", so I told her: "Rae, that's just cruel. A dig at my stick-to-ativity and a memory challenge in the same post. Diabolical!" But she has a point, and the question, together with its implications, has been stuck in the top of my mental inbox ever since.

In fact, I didn't make any New Year's resolutions this year. I never make them any year, principally because I find making them totally ineffectual in getting me to make changes in my behavior or in my life more generally. And that I took to be a subtle suggestion tucked neatly into Rae's question - that making resolutions alone doesn't accomplish very much . I don't think I'm all that odd on this point, as most people I know also feel that making New Year's resolutions is something of a pointless activity. Very slowly over the years, I've come to believe that the only way I ever successfully change myself, or aspects of my life, is by doing something about the things I want to change right now, in the present moment, and without much regard for what I may, or may not, be doing tomorrow. For example, I swore off drinking many, many times without any discernible impact on my behavior. What did give me release and, finally, sobriety was when I adopted what others told me to do - not take the first drink one day at a time. By the grace of God, that approach has kept me sober for a lifetime so far, and by not taking that first drink right now, in this moment, I can keep that string running - in this moment. And that's enough.

But if I take another tack on dealing with Rae's question, I'd have to ask myself what, in my heart of hearts, would I have to admit I would want to have seen change in Charlie over the course of 2010. Several things come immediately to mind: Quit smoking; Return to a regular exercise program; and Lose weight. After all, it's a cop-out to say "I didn't make any New Year's resolutions", when I know darn well what I wanted them to be - what I needed them to be. So, how did it go, you ask? Fairly well, I guess - especially when tested against my one day at a time yardstick. Since last Spring, I've been exercising very diligently on average 5 days per week. Along the way, I've lost some 30 pounds, although full disclosure would demand that I admit that losing another 20 would be the smart choice. Finally, I'm in my third day of not smoking today, which is the longest time I can recall going without cigarettes in a number of years. And I'm doing it by not taking the first one right now.

Even with all that, I have no intention of making any formal New Year's resolutions for 2011. But on January 1st, you're invited to ask my what I'm doing that day to make me, and my life, just a little bit better.